tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23086245065736244752024-03-13T03:45:15.722-07:00Gifts from Ex-Boyfriends... who else would give you this nonsense?Nonnershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11063364689231162026noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2308624506573624475.post-34238274420386472722010-10-30T15:05:00.000-07:002010-11-01T06:55:38.174-07:00The Awkward Guy's First Base/ Hand-holding for Jocks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/TMxPeMR3vJI/AAAAAAAAAak/TzqqfENYERY/s1600/4175761722_8294cd5ebb_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/TMxPeMR3vJI/AAAAAAAAAak/TzqqfENYERY/s320/4175761722_8294cd5ebb_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 15px;"></span></div><h3 style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Thumb Wrestling Ring</span></b></h3><div><b><br />
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</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"><b><u>Awkward Guy: </u></b> "Is the man supposed to keep his thumb on the outside? And what if she puts her thumb on the outside? How long do I have to hold her hand? </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">What will happen if she rejects me? Sweaty palms sweaty palms sweaty pa..</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">GOING FOR IT</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">'So... thumb war???'"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"><br />
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</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"><b><u>Jock</u></b>: "Hey girl, I'm kind of into you. I think I might like to hold your hand, but in a competitive context as to not compromise my masculinity." </span></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Thanks for the awkward gift, Johnny!</span></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Nonnershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11063364689231162026noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2308624506573624475.post-81088749260092433182010-08-18T17:22:00.000-07:002010-08-18T17:53:47.854-07:00I call this one, "So he loves you 800 dollars worth?"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/TGx5Ygx0_6I/AAAAAAAAAUc/hLOClV9EvIA/s1600/IMG_0228.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/TGx5Ygx0_6I/AAAAAAAAAUc/hLOClV9EvIA/s400/IMG_0228.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>This watch is fancy, and he knows it! When presenting a gift like this to a lucky lady, it is very important for the woman to know just how much you spent on her so she can place a monetary value on your level of affection. <br />
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</div><div>Rule to live by:</div><div>DO NOT tell the woman what you spent on her gift.</div><div><div>BUT INSTEAD leave the price tag on the item, and lightly sweep a pen over the price on the tag. </div><div><br />
</div><div>This allows her to clearly see that you spent $800, while pretending to have been modest about the expenditure. You sly fox!</div><div><br />
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</div><div>The rim of the watch is encrusted with "delicate" (tiny) diamonds that just scream, <i>"LOOK AT ME SPARKLE, I AM DIAMOND! "</i> while also conveying, <i>"DON'T YOU DARE TAKE ME TOO SERIOUSLY, I'M JUST A WATCH, NOT AN ENGAGEMENT RING!" </i></div><div><i><br />
</i></div><div><i>The watch also has a small sapphire dial on the side. The man should probably point that out a few times when presenting the gift.</i></div><div><br />
</div><div>This is the ideal gift for the boyfriend who wants to say, "Hey babe, look how much money I have." </div></div><div><br />
</div><div>A watch in general is an excellent choice for men who also want to convey: <i>"I want you to know that I take this relationship seriously, serious like a business venture, and also-- I'd appreciate if you were more punctual." </i></div><div><i><br />
</i></div><div>Watches are safe-- a fancy ring or a necklace can be misleading: you wouldn't want to make a woman think you like her TOO much. Keep it professional, keep it classy, and keep the price tag on. You like her 800 dollars worth.</div><div><i><br />
</i></div><div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Thanks for the generous gift, Chase!</span></i></div>Nonnershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11063364689231162026noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2308624506573624475.post-58879614459987593852010-04-30T21:45:00.000-07:002010-05-02T22:49:42.683-07:00Gift 1: the inspiration piece<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/S9utYp2eLFI/AAAAAAAAASU/mutnBenpl7Q/s1600/Photo+92.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="395" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/S9utYp2eLFI/AAAAAAAAASU/mutnBenpl7Q/s400/Photo+92.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b>I call this one, "It's from Guam, so it can't be crappy."</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">This deluxe Guam piggy bank is crafted out of a "Real Coconut"!!! It has decorative scratches all over the sides, like the coconut attempted to escape before the pig transformation. The coconut piggy is only available with a sad face, but wouldn't you be grumpy if someone only lacquered <i>most</i> your nose? I mean that's embarrassing. This one-of-a-kind piggy bank is NOT available with centered piggy-nose-holes, because everyone knows that the pigs are a little disfigured in Guam. This is as true to life as any other coconut-pig. I CHALLENGE YOU TO FIND ANYTHING REAL-ER! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Moving to the rear....</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/S9uwYqZFxbI/AAAAAAAAASc/MuEDwGtfp-g/s1600/Photo+93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_26-ROYS9PB0/S9uwYqZFxbI/AAAAAAAAASc/MuEDwGtfp-g/s400/Photo+93.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I don't know about you, but when I think of coconuts I think of SECURITY. I can think of no better place to store money or other valuable goods. Safes are too obvious nowadays. I'd like to see you break into the bum-hole of my coconut pig! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">No... but really... I can't open the pig's bum-plug... and accidentally yanked off the <i>deluxe braided tail </i>(pigs are fancy). This coconut pig is so secure, you can't even get your own money out of it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Thank you Ben, for supplying this wonderful gift.</span></i></div>Nonnershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11063364689231162026noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2308624506573624475.post-57341205289001125262010-04-30T21:21:00.000-07:002010-04-30T21:24:01.022-07:00Gifts from Ex Boyfriends: the beginning!Why is it that the natural response to a bad smell for so many people, is to insist that other people also experience the horrible smell? <br />
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</div><div><i>"Ughhh, the carpeting smells like rotting cheese! SMELL IT!"--</i> me </div><div><i>"SICK! It DOES smell horrible!"-- </i>you (why do you always give in? sucka!)</div><div><br />
</div><div>As you smile and think, "Hey, I do that sometimes. Why? It's weird, I should probably stop insisting that people smell nasty crap"-- think about another common scenario. </div><div><br />
</div><div>You're sitting in one of your best friend's dorm rooms one morning, after spending an otherwise excellent night out. <br />
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THEN EVERYTHING CHANGES.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Your supposed 'best friend' drops the bomb...<br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"Look at this! This is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. Ben gave it to me. Do you want it?"</span></i></div><div><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Oh yes</span>, your friend has just re-gifted a piece of crap from an ex boyfriend. She would feel way too guilty throwing it away which is why you, as a good friend, are morally obligated to own this new catastrophe-of-a-gift.</div><div><br />
</div><div>And so we begin. If you have a gift from an ex boyfriend you would like to be featured on this blog, please send a <b>twitpic</b> of the item, or <b>email</b> to giftsfromexboyfriends@gmail.com and we will make a post honoring the weird crap.</div><div><br />
</div><div><b>twitter</b>: <a href="http://twitter.com/GiftsFromExBFs">http://twitter.com/GiftsFromExBFs</a><br />
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<b>email</b>: <a href="mailto:giftsfromexboyfriends@gmail.com"> giftsfromexboyfriends@gmail.com</a></div><div><br />
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</div>Nonnershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11063364689231162026noreply@blogger.com2