Friday, April 30, 2010

Gift 1: the inspiration piece

I call this one, "It's from Guam, so it can't be crappy."

This deluxe Guam piggy bank is crafted out of a "Real Coconut"!!!  It has decorative scratches all over the sides, like the coconut attempted to escape before the pig transformation.  The coconut piggy is only available with a sad face, but wouldn't you be grumpy if someone only lacquered most your nose?  I mean that's embarrassing.  This one-of-a-kind piggy bank is NOT available with centered piggy-nose-holes, because everyone knows that the pigs are a little disfigured in Guam.  This is as true to life as any other coconut-pig.  I CHALLENGE YOU TO FIND ANYTHING REAL-ER!  

Moving to the rear....

I don't know about you, but when I think of coconuts I think of SECURITY.  I can think of no better place to store money or other valuable goods.  Safes are too obvious nowadays.  I'd like to see you break into the bum-hole of my coconut pig!  

No... but really... I can't open the pig's bum-plug... and accidentally yanked off the deluxe braided tail (pigs are fancy).  This coconut pig is so secure, you can't even get your own money out of it.

Thank you Ben, for supplying this wonderful gift.

Gifts from Ex Boyfriends: the beginning!

Why is it that the natural response to a bad smell for so many people, is to insist that other people also experience the horrible smell?

"Ughhh, the carpeting smells like rotting cheese!  SMELL IT!"-- me 
"SICK!  It DOES smell horrible!"-- you (why do you always give in? sucka!)

As you smile and think, "Hey, I do that sometimes.  Why?  It's weird, I should probably stop insisting that people smell nasty crap"-- think about another common scenario. 

You're sitting in one of your best friend's dorm rooms one morning, after spending an otherwise excellent night out.


Your supposed 'best friend' drops the bomb...

"Look at this!  This is the ugliest thing I have ever seen.  Ben gave it to me.  Do you want it?"

Oh yes, your friend has just re-gifted a piece of crap from an ex boyfriend.  She would feel way too guilty throwing it away which is why you, as a good friend, are morally obligated to own this new catastrophe-of-a-gift.

And so we begin.  If you have a gift from an ex boyfriend you would like to be featured on this blog, please send a twitpic  of the item, or email to and we will make a post honoring the weird crap.